Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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