david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
