Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
