Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
