I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
