Rock
Scissors
Fuck
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
