I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
