He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
