4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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