Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
