where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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