I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Blood and glitter go together right?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
