Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
