So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
