It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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