called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
