Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up under a house in Key West
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