i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
