just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
