i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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