Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
