Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
