don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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