she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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