i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How does one acquire holy water?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
