I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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