Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
