I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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