i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
