What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
