You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
