Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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