You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
