I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
