do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
