atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
