I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
