Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
