i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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