I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
