I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
