Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
