I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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