sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
