But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
