His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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