Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
