Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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