You can't motorboat a personality
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
