I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
