so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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