apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
