She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
