I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
