my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
