Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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