so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
