just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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