rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
