I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
