Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
