"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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