she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
