Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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