Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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