similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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