This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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