so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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