i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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