you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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