I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
