The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
