We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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