saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
