No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
