you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
