I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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