I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
